no smoking... unless you want to.

i went to church on sunday but i kept falling asleep so i went to my car and listened to music while i waited for my brother to be done praising God. that was about the extent of my praying this week. i did go star gazing friday night and that was extremely lovely. very cold though.

i watched wristcutters the other night, which is my favorite movie. it was super awesome. i wore my dress and i wish i could have had a glass of wine so i could feel really classy. the movie is about life after suicide. it's really quite happy actually.

i lost my lighter. i always do that when i'm drunk.

i want to read the book naked lunch by william s burroughs but i haven't had the time to go to barnes and noble and buy it. paramore's new album came out today, i'm excited beyond anything in existence to buy it. i also need to get new ear phones because my dog broke mine. bitch. she really is a bitch.

nothing gold can stay

still not praying. i was laying on the ground looking at the clouds the other day and i thought, "i could totally be encountering God right now if i wanted to." but i didn't want to. so i didn't. i find nature to be very lovely. but i don't find God in it.

i went to church on sunday, as my parents made me. it was boring. and really long. and they were asking for money. and i didn't like it.

i'm reading the perks of being a wallflower again. it's one of my favorites.

i've been trying to think more about my views on God lately. i keep coming back to the same conclusion. I don't feel like i believe in the God i've grown up learning about, but i believe in a higher power. as Charlie says in the perks of being a wallflower, "i do believe in God very much, i just never gave God a name, if you know what i mean." that's kinda like what i feel. and i don't think you need faith to be happy. i've been pretty happy lately, but nothing gold can stay, right? so i fully expect life to start sucking again sometime soon. but it won't be because of my lack of faith. it'll be my own fault.

a blog to pass the time.

i went to church yesterday. i felt really sick. so i sat the whole time. i recieved the eucharist because i always have. guess i should probably not do that. disrespectfulness. then i talked to a friend and left. then i listened to the smiths because they're supa fly.

my mom loves "God". and so does my pops. and my grandmother. she's a cool lady. but i ain't into that stuff. i used to pray when i was a kid. it was like yeah okay whatever. then i started thinking for myself instead of letting everyone tell me what to do. and i was like. what's all this business about? so i had a conversation with myself that basically led to me deciding that i don't know what i believe about "God". but i don't believe in an organized church. i don't know about jesus. he's kinda like a human who was supposedly "God", but i don't know. don't make much sense to me. i've been kinda mad at "God" the past couple years. like why does he have to make life suck so much? but whatever. i don't really care. it's not a big part of my life and i'm totally legitly cool with that.

who wants flowers when you're dead? nobody.

my prayer habits are still the same. honestly, i don't see them changing any because of this class. i pray at dinner because my parents make me. but i'm not really praying i'm just saying words. i go to mass every week. i don't like it. i fall asleep almost every time. i pray the our father every day in german class. i like saying that, but only in german. it's fun.

i feel infinite

i don't pray much. i'm not really a religious person. i don't believe in a lot of what the catholic church teaches. i believe in God, i think. but i don't think it's necessary to pray alot. i probably don't pray "enough". but i'm fine with that. my life is mine and i'm not going to waste it praying all the time. prayer isn't necessarily wasteful to everyone. but it doesn't help me, so i don't do it. if God is really as good as everyone says, then i don't think he'll condemn me to hell for living my life the way i want to, as long as i'm not doing anything too bad.